Making room for "No"

So 2013 is coming to an end, and per usual it has been an insanely busy year for us. I was reflecting on that this past week, trying to understand exactly why I felt so burnt out and run down. It's as if my mind cannot relax, and I can't keep up with my calendar and the tasks I need to accomplish. It's the same way that I felt last year at this time, and the year before that. Ok lets be honest, I can't remember a time when I was NOT feeling that way. If you know me, you know that I like to be busy. I get this trait from my wonderful mother, whom I'm pretty sure wears Superman's cape to sleep in at night. If you look up the word "servant" in the dictionary I'm certain her smiling face would be there as a definition.

I enjoy a fast pace, and love to delve my hands into everything that I can. Learning new things and acquiring new skills is my bread and butter and I absolutely love it. This is definitely something that gets me into trouble though. I have two jobs as it is, one as an Oncology nurse and the other as a photographer. My husband is a police officer and works crazy evening hours (and everything else in between). Throw a nine and a six year old into the mix and you have one heck of a schedule. Even so, in our family we are big believers in making room for time together. We take time for relaxing, and we travel together as often as we can. I make my own schedule at work, and keep my hours down as much as is financially possible. So why am I so burnt out? Why do I feel so overwhelmed all of the time? Why am I finding myself feeling bitter and angry recently? 

I never. say. no.
Yep. I may as well have the words "people pleaser" tattooed on my forehead.  

I have always been that way, from as far back as I can remember. If someone needed me for something, or asked a favor of me, I would do it. Rearrange my schedule to make something happen for you? Sure thing. Come to an event early or stay late to help out? Yep, I'm your girl. Like I said, I've been that way forever, and I  am still that way. I love to help others, and I love to be there for my friends. Giving back and serving allows me so much joy, and I am thankful for the ability that I have to do that, through photography or whatever else. There is a problem though, a problem that I've never really paid attention to until recently. When I'm so busy saying "yes" to everything, I am at the same time saying "no" to the things that are most important. Things such as taking time to enjoy my girls, or taking care of the many things I need to as a mother and a wife. Taking time for myself and for my husband. All of these things have been holding a spot on the back burner, all because I literally find myself unable to say "no".

I've decided that that is going to change.

You see, intentional or not, being a people pleaser creates a vicious cycle. For one it makes you a target for those who unfortunately do not mind taking advantage of others. The truth of the matter is that most people do not even realize that they are taking advantage of you, it's a side effect of always being willing to do for others, and really is my own fault for always saying yes. In a way you are creating your own monster. So what is the long term effect of having this happen? Well, you begin to lose trust for one. You start seeing hidden meanings that are not even there, and taking everything people say to you wrong. You feel sensitive to the smallest things, and begin to feel bitterness when someone asks you to help them out with something. You hide this bitterness well, but it's there, like a rock sitting in your stomach. This is when you know you have got to change. I don't want to lose my servants heart, but I also have to know where to draw the line.

So why am I ranting about this? Because I know there are many out there who deal with this same issue. I know that there are others who always say yes because they do not know how to say no, or they are scared to say no. I am speaking to those of you out there like me, the people pleasers. I'm challenging you as well as myself in this coming year, to say no more and yes less. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person or a bad friend, nor does it take away that beautiful servants heart the Lord gave to you. But it does protect that precious heart from the grip of bitterness and burn out that is sure to come if you do not change. 

Serving those in need, giving of yourself to glorify the Lord, and using your talents to help those whom are suffering, is different than letting someone use you to benefit themselves. 

There is nothing wrong with doing a favor for a friend, or helping out with an event or project. You have to set boundaries on yourself though, something that I have unfortunately neglected. Your time is valuable, your loved ones are valuable, and keeping your priorities is valuable. The Lord gave you that servants heart to bless others with, but he also gave you the responsibility to protect it.